Would You Care ?
by Alternative Randomness
Summary: Would you care if I was happy? Would you care if I was sad? Would you care if I hated you? Would you care if I didn't and I don't?  Izaya reflects on Shizuo, his feelings and asks himself some questions. Sad, One-sided Shizaya - Two-shot
1. Izaya POV

**Again, here's another Shizaya one-shot - Izaya's POV.**

**Although, it's more of a one-sideded Shizaya, still, I guess it's Shizaya.**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, this idea just came to me and I typed it.**

**Oh, and if Izaya seems OOC, sorry. **

**So, Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara! or it's characters, wish I did cause, you know, that would be awesome**

**but sadly, I don't, still, enjoy~**

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><p>Would you care if I was happy?<p>

Would you care if I was sad?

Would you care if I was hurt?

Would you care if I was lonely?

Would you care that I hate to admit that?

Would you care if I didn't have any real friends?

Would you care if I wanted you to be my friend?

Or would you care if I grew sad because I knew that would never happen?

Would you care if I was scared of being human?

Would you care if I was afraid of confronting my true feelings?

Would you care if I tried to commit suicide?

Would you care if it was because of you?

Would you care if after every time we fought I cried in my room, alone for hours on end?

Would you care if I sat in my bath tub and cried the rest of the hours away in the day and into the night?

Would you care if I got sick and never turned up to town for a while?

Would you care if I was in a very weak position?

Would you care if all I thought about while laying in my bed was you?

Would you care if I was hoping you'd come bursting through my door, even if it were come to kill me?

Would you care if I had dreamed of you nursing me back to health?

Would you care if when I woke up the next morning I woke up disappointed it was only a dream that could never happen?

Would you care if I wished you'd care?

Would you care if you were the only person I trust even if you say you kill me?

Would you care if I found some hope in the fact that I haven't died yet, even if you've promised my death so many times?

Would you care that you're the only one who tried to keep their promises with me?

Would you care you're the only one who seems to be able to read me at times?

Would you care that I single you out and therefore you're special, even if you don't know it?

Would you care that my heart feels like it breaks every time you say that you hate me and that you want to kill me?

Would you care if you found out you were the only thing I couldn't understand, the only person I couldn't predict or manipulate?

Would you care that I was quite frustrated by that fact?

Would you care if I hated you?

Would you care if I didn't?

Would you care if I never did?

Would you care if you knew I hated myself?

Would you care if it's all because of you?

_And __would __you __care __if __I __said __that __I __love __you ?_

No, you wouldn't, would you? Or more, you can't because I don't allow you to, I never have and I don't think I trust myself enough to allow you to now , so, I guess it'll just have to stay like this. Stay with us sharing this bond, this bond that holds us together with chains that even you couldn't break. This bond of hate that runs through our lives, anchors down and that will never leave. This bond that could easily change, and yet, I doubt it ever will, in fact, I feel I might be scared that it will because then I'll have nothing to hide behind and this glorious game we have going on will be lost and then, what will we have left?

So, we should stay in this same old pattern and watch as it drains down, sinks and reaches the bottom of the ocean where it'll forever lay, out of reach from everyone except those who dare to swim into those dark, unsearched places. Although, if I think about it, you may just do that, but, like I've known for a while now, eight years, infact, is that I'll never be able to guess what you'll do next because you seem to avoid expectation and you do it all so naturally, as if you don't even have to think about it; I highly doubt you do, think about it, I mean. You're a protozoan, so, you probably don't have the brain capacity needed for thought, and yet, I feel you contradict that with those odd moments of intelligence I seem to witness, even if only in the background and out of sight. It frustrates me; you do, as a whole. I can't seem to wrap my head around you, and that both annoys and intrigues me. You, as a whole being, even if you are a monster, intrigue me and yet irritates me. I can say that I hate you because you're so unlike my precious humans. I can't manipulate you and no matter how hard I try I can't quite seem to get you to do as I want. You mess up all my plans without much thought and I hate that. I hate you, and yet, I don't. I can't bring myself to, I don't know why, but, I have a feeling I don't want to know why, I feel as if the answer will scare me; it'll be something I don't want to hear.

So, you'll never learn of how I feel because I don't trust myself enough with the words and I doubt you'll trust my words either. They have a saying, you know; '_Heartfelt __thoughts __become __lies __when __spoken_'. That fits the situation rather well, if you think about it. So, I guess I'll keep it all to myself; keep the sadness I feel every time you promise to kill me a secret, keep how useless I feel every time you go to someone else to ask for help or to talk to even if we've known each other for much longer. Keep the shame I feel every time I think of you and me, think about confessing, and think about how it would feel to have you hold me, even for only a minute. I'll keep it all from you so that you won't feel sorry or pity when you can't return my feelings because, if there is anything I can't handle aside from your rejection is for you to feel sorry and pity me.

So, please don't care about it, don't care about any of it. I'll be fine with what we have, I'll be happy with these chains of hate tied around us, it's the only thing that joins us to one another, the only thing that keeps me in your life and you in mine, so, I'll try my best to stop it from happening; from keeping you caring, but, then again, you never seem to follow my plans, my expectations, do you?

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><p><strong>Reviwes, comments, constructive critisim and anything else would be loved. <strong>


	2. Shizuo POV

**Alright, someone asked for a Shizuo POV, and I was thinking of making one, had some stuff typed up,**

**so, here it is. I really hope it isn't a dissapointment to the previous chapter because that one was really**

**good. I didn't really want to copy the previous chapter, per say, so, I did this one with a slightly different**

**feel, or, at least it has come out like that. I hope you enjoy it and it isn't falling short of expectation.**

**I'll probably end up editing this like a million times, but for now, here you go.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own, Durarara! at all, seriously, it would just be so cool, but I don't.**

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><p>Would you care if I said for you to get out of Ikebukuro only because I knew you'd deliberately come and visit?<p>

Would you care that I never intended to kill you?

Would you care that I knew I'd break that promise I made to kill you?

Would you care if I intended to break it?

Would you care if I said I didn't really want to kill you?

Would you care that I knew you'd probably laugh at me for it?

Would you care that inside I'd be hurt?

Would you care that you're the only one close to me?

Would you care that I was more human than you think?

Would you care that I felt hurt every time you said you hated me?

Would you care that I felt slightly hopeful when you call me that ridiculous nickname?

Would you care that I learnt my hope was false?

Would you care that my punches were kisses?

Would you care that I missed on purpose?

Would you care that I let you get away only so that you could come back the next day?

Would you care that I kind of feel excited about seeing you again?

Would you care that I would never admit that...ever?

Would you care that I never really want to hurt you?

Would you care that you're the only person who isn't scared of me, at all?

Would you care if you knew you were the only person who treated me, somewhat, like a normal person?

Would you care that, even if you annoy me I can't bring myself to completely hate you?

Would you care that even if you're a manipulative flea I still care about you?

Would you care that I love you?

Heh, a manipulative bastard like you probably wouldn't. After all, you only love your 'precious humans', so, I doubt there would be any room left for me, would there? Although, if you found out you'd probably just use it to mess with me just like all those other people who you like to toy with. I'm only a form of entertainment for you, aren't I? That's all I am to you, isn't it!

I'm just a toy that you play with, admittedly a more interesting one than all the others, but, a toy all the same. Your's to play with until you grow bored or break me. I know that day won't come soon; I make sure to prevent that. I keep you back, keep you guessing, hold you off from coming too close, from playing too much because I don't want to just be used and then thrown away, it would break me more than anything.

I don't even know why I feel this way! My emotions are so confusing! You're a terrible person, horrible, manipulative and just plain evil! You parade around; ruining the lives of anyone you can get a hand on, including and especially mine. You framed me for a crime I didn't commit, made me go to jail, loose countless numbers of jobs, use violence even if I hate it, constantly harass me and make me more in debt than anyone could possibly be. How could anyone in their right mind love someone who did all that to them and more too! It's not normal! It doesn't make sense, and yet, I do. I can't bring myself to hate you, well, completely anyway. There's just something about you, something that, despite how many times you get up after injuries, you seem so frail. You'd be so easy to kill, my whole hand practically reaches around your neck, it would be so easy, and yet, I can't find myself finishing you off. When you look at me, once I finally have you cornered and you know it, that look in your eye and the honesty of the emotion through it, it makes me hesitate.

Maybe you're more human than you put out. You claim that you're above 'your precious humans', but, at times like that you just seem so defenceless and even a little scared. It's moments like those that stop me from finishing the job, allowing you to leave and live for another day. We've been like this for a while now; eight years, not that I've been counting. Admittedly I couldn't imagine how life would be without you, it's almost like I'd have no purpose. You're all I really think about, you're constantly plaguing my mind like the blood sucking vermin you are; causing me torment without even realizing or being there. It drives me mad, you do, and yet, if you were gone, I'd probably still be thinking off you, and yet, not about trying to kill you, but, of missing you. Of feeling guilty that it was my fault and my fault alone that you were gone and no longer there. I wouldn't know what to do with myself, you're the only one who treats me as if I were normal, even if it's for your own entertainment, even because I'm only some piece in your elaborate game.

I can't think of my life without you present, it would be too empty, too lonely, even with my friends, they aren't like you. It's almost as if we were made for each other, in a way. I guess if one of us exists the other would have to as well. Just like with light and dark, got to have both otherwise neither would exist; just like us.

So, accept my punches but not as punches and know that I miss on purpose. Find that I let you get away just so I hope you come around again because I can't exist without you and you can't without me. We balance each other out and I hope you know that I care, but, I can't bring myself to ever admit it, because, despite my feelings I still don't trust you, I still feel that you'll just smirk or laugh at me, mock me and call me a protozoan and that the only people worthy enough for your love is 'your precious humans'. So, I won't say anything, I'll carry on as I do, but, I know you're smart, you're an informant, so, maybe, you might start to understand over time and figure it out.

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><p><strong>Ok, there you go, hope you enjoyed it. Reviews, comments, constructive critisim is loved, always. <strong>

**Let me just thank everyone who reviewed, faved and read it, I'm so glad so many people liked it, it **

**really makes my day seeing someone happy when they've read my work and liked it, it's all I ask for!**

**:)**


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